Career Advice For Cardinal O’Brien.

Times, as everyone knows, are hard and as Cardinal Keith O’Brien resigns I’m sure we’ll all wish him well in whatever career direction he decides to take.

But what career options are there for a man with religious training ?

Here are my top three.

Lion Tamer


 Harold Davidson, the Rector of Stiffkey , was defrocked at Norwich Cathedral on 21 October 1932, on charges of immorality, after which he exploited his notoriety by making a living in various forms of seaside entertainment.

 In 1937 Davidson worked in Skegness, where he was billed as “A modern Daniel in a lion’s den”. He would enter a cage with a lion called Freddie and a lioness called Toto, and talk for about ten minutes about the injustice he felt had been done out to him. On 28 July, he was moving through his act when he accidentally tripped on the tail of the lioness, the lion attacked and mauled him.

He died from his injuries.

Totalitarian Dictator


In 1894, when Joseph Stalin was sixteen, he received a scholarship to attend the Georgian Orthodox Tiflis Theological Seminary in Tbilisi. Although his performance had been satisfactory, he was expelled in 1899 after missing his final exams.

Stalin became leader of the Soviet Union from 1922  until his death on 16 October 1952. In those 30 years as leader he is thought to be responsible for between 40 and 60 million deaths.

Evolutionary Heretic


 In 1828 Charles Darwin attended Christ’s College, Cambridge, and studied for a Bachelor of Arts degree as the first step towards becoming an Anglican parson but despite doing very well in his exams in 1931 he later that same year, on 27 December 1831, set sail on The Beagle.

Almost 30 years later Charles Darwin  published ‘On the Origin of Species’, on 24 November 1859. One of the most important scientific books ever to go into print, it rocked the religious institutions of Great Britain and the world.

So it would seem that the potential career paths for former Cardinal Keith O’Brien are many and varied.

I’m hopeful that readers will come up with other examples which I can add to this list.

Harold Davidson

Joseph Stalin

Charles Darwin


Filed under Humour, News

17 responses to “Career Advice For Cardinal O’Brien.

  1. From ‘b’ on Ian Bone’s blog-
    Watch for references to Belgium. They’re coming thick and fast, although the big story has yet to break.

    Torygraph: Cardinal Keith O’Brien’s resignation casts shadow over Papal Conclave:
    “His decision to stay away because of a personal scandal is thought to be without precedent. (…) It raised pressure on a number of other cardinals from the US, Ireland and Belgium, to stand aside from the vote amid allegations of covering up child abuse. Vatican watchers said that it laid bare a growing sense of crisis at the top of the Church.”

    BBC: “So much about the case against Cardinal Keith O’Brien, until Monday the leader of the Catholic Church in Scotland, is unknown.”

    Daily Record: “Cardinal O’Brien’s resignation pressures scandal-hit Church leaders to step down from Papal Conclave“:

    “Cardinal Godfried Danneels(…) THE offices of the Belgian cardinal were searched in 2010 amid a crackdown on paedophile priests by police. (…) In the same year, it emerged he had tried to stop a victim of sex abuse from going public. The victim taped a meeting during which Danneels asked him to keep quiet until the bishop who abused him was due to retire the next year.”


    The spin says this is all about the senior priests keeping quiet about, and condoning, the activities of junior priests who abused young boys (endemic in the church) and in some cases young women, plus in some cases senior priests themselves did these things. Meanwhile the editors know there’s a different and much bigger story here.

    It is remarkable how if we exclude the Vatican’s house organs, almost all of the media, including outfits which run Rome-based correspondents, are singing to the same songsheet. For the moment. (Another observation: nobody makes the point that in countries such as Ireland the position of the church has in practice been similar to the position of the Nazi party in Germany, where Nazi party members could only be tried by party courts.)

    Watch for references to Belgium appearing in sex scandal or fast-resignation stories about cardinals and senior church figures.

    I suspect that stuff about the church in the US is a distraction here. Similarly the stuff about the BBC was a distraction in connection with the Jimmy Savile case.

    The Dutroux case is a realm beyond ‘mere’ child abuse.

    When Cardinal Danneels was raided, the files found weren’t just to do with priests who’d abused children. They were files from the Dutroux case.

    Dutroux was in court last week. His application for release was active when all of a sudden Ratzinger resigned.

    Funny how what the files found in Danneels’s house were actually about isn’t getting mentioned. We’re talking about a large number of photos of the two girls who are said to have died of starvation in the cellar. Everyone in Belgium knows the girls died from being horrendously abused elsewhere (the name of the nightclub where they were murdered is known), and that very rich and influential figures in Belgium were involved.

    The autopsy reports were suppressed. They describe injuries so extreme that no-one could have survived them. The girls did not die of starvation.

    The protection by the authorities of the most powerful perpetrators is what caused people to go on the largest demonstration Belgium has ever seen. People have no respect whatsoever for what the authorities say about the Dutroux case in Belgium. Meanwhile Dutroux is getting lots of money in prison because he’s so clever at trading on the stock exchange. Like yeah, right.

    The Danneels connection was exposed in an English-language Brussels rag called ‘The Sprout’. As early as 2004, they exposed Cardinal Danneels’s role.

    Danneels was actually visible in a videotape of the two girls being tortured and murdered. So was the Minister of Justice. ‘The Sprout’ ran photos on their front page. The magazine was taken off the shelves within hours. Danneels ran to see Ratzinger – who wasn’t even pope yet; he was just head of the Inquisition – in Rome.

    Repeat: Cardinal Danneels was visible in a tape showing the girls being murdered.

    There was talk of “blackmail” – the same word later used in connection with Vatileaks. In other words: ‘fuck you; we’re staying in power.

    And what about the articles from 12 months ago about the Vatican report on the idea that the Pope would be assassinated within 12 months. This isn’t David fucking Icke. This was in major newspapers such as the Torygraph-”

    A key place to begin is the stuff published here-

  2. I’m loving it, being a Proud Militant Atheist- Now the Cardinal is saying how ‘upset’ he is over his own resignation, that he doesn’t know his accusers, or what he’s accused of…So why did the hypocritical, homophobic Bigot of the Year resign then?
    Other commentators have said this crisis in the Catholic church in Scotland is greater than that of the Reformation (Haha!) and another said that the Cardinal id devastated and like a ‘vulnerable adult’- Hilarious!
    A pox on all religion!

  3. pedant

    Shirt Shop Proprietor?

  4. rainbowsophie

    Pope – well the only way IS up !! and he obviously has the right credentials.

  5. Sabre

    Prime Minister, leader of the LibLabCon Party.
    He appears to be comfortable f*****g not only the Party functionaries but the congregation as well.

  6. Scutty

    Stalin killed 40 – 60mn??? What are you smoking?? At least give a mass killer some respect, 2-5mn he killed. The Nazis sorted out another 5mn or so Russians…40-60mn would have been around 25pc of all Russians…

    • I’m including purges and famines caused by his policies.

      What was it Stalin said “One death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic” ?

      Let’s not let a statistic come between us.

  7. LibDem fundraiser natch!

  8. Enna

    I am sure the BBC would be more than happy to give him his own show, failing that maybe the Royal household would appoint him as chief advisor.

  9. Mudplugger

    Leader of the Liberal Democrats, where an anticipated vacancy could find his apparent expertise in carnal matters and its lengthy cover-up proving useful.

  10. john carey

    Kenny Everett was training to be a priest – zany radio tv presenter

  11. Marilyn Myers

    Open a pub and call it “The Disgraced Cardinal”. That should get the punters in

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