Originally spotted by Private Eye reader Brendan O’Byrne.
The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel has been proudly disappointing travellers for forty years. Boasting levels of comfort comparable to a minimum-security prison, the Hans Brinker also offers some plumbing and an intermittently open canteen serving a wide range of dishes based on runny eggs.
Other Hans Brinker Budget Hotel, Amsterdam services and amenities include:
– A basement bar with limited light and no fresh air.
– A concrete courtyard where you can relax and enjoy whatever sunshine is able to pass the high buildings on either side on the extremely infrequent days when it’s actually sunny.
– An elevator that almost never breaks down between floors.
– A bar serving slightly watered down beer.
– Amusing witticisms and speculations about former guests’ sexual preferences scrawled on most surfaces.
– The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel, Amsterdam Luxury Ambassadorial Suite (featuring the Hans Brinker’s one and only bath-tub).
– Doors that lock.
Testimonials by former guests include:
“What can I say? It was cheap. But not that cheap. I mean, a bus shelter offers the same facilities.”
– Charlotte, Texas.
“What is that smell? I demand to know what that smell is.”
– Lisa, Oklahoma.
“I woke up and had the distinct feeling that someone had been in my room.”
– Derek, Ohio.
“What a fantastic experience. So cheap! So friendly! No, wait, that was that other place in Belgium.”
– Mr and Mrs Vandenberg, New Mexico.
“The best cheap youth hostel I’ve stayed in since my sentence was suspended.”
– Michael, New York.
I’ll leave you to visit the Hotel’s website and discover for yourself the further delights of the Hans Brinker Hotel in Amsterdam.
It is worth exploring their website.
theneedleblog 
what was that all about ?- why do I want to pay £4.50 per week in a lottery?
???