Originally spotted by Private Eye reader Brendan O’Byrne.
The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel has been proudly disappointing travellers for forty years. Boasting levels of comfort comparable to a minimum-security prison, the Hans Brinker also offers some plumbing and an intermittently open canteen serving a wide range of dishes based on runny eggs.
Other Hans Brinker Budget Hotel, Amsterdam services and amenities include:
- A basement bar with limited light and no fresh air.
- A concrete courtyard where you can relax and enjoy whatever sunshine is able to pass the high buildings on either side on the extremely infrequent days when it’s actually sunny.
- An elevator that almost never breaks down between floors.
- A bar serving slightly watered down beer.
- Amusing witticisms and speculations about former guests’ sexual preferences scrawled on most surfaces.
- The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel, Amsterdam Luxury Ambassadorial Suite (featuring the Hans Brinker’s one and only bath-tub).
- Doors that lock.
Testimonials by former guests include:
“What can I say? It was cheap. But not that cheap. I mean, a bus shelter offers the same facilities.”
– Charlotte, Texas.
“What is that smell? I demand to know what that smell is.”
- Lisa, Oklahoma.
“I woke up and had the distinct feeling that someone had been in my room.”
- Derek, Ohio.
“What a fantastic experience. So cheap! So friendly! No, wait, that was that other place in Belgium.”
- Mr and Mrs Vandenberg, New Mexico.
“The best cheap youth hostel I’ve stayed in since my sentence was suspended.”
- Michael, New York.
I’ll leave you to visit the Hotel’s website and discover for yourself the further delights of the Hans Brinker Hotel in Amsterdam.
It is worth exploring their website.